Sometimes and rarely

Sometimes ,,, and rarely .... 

Sometimes I leave God .. and rarely I get back to him ... 
Sometimes I decide to do bad things .. and rarely I decide not to .. 
Sometimes I feel that God is away from me ... and rarely I feel him with me .. 
Sometimes I fall in sadness ,,,, and rarely I decide to feel the joy with Jesus... 
Sometimes I go to the church of God ... and rarely I go to God of the church ... 

Well ... so what's missing ... 
Is it me or God .... 

I know it isn't God .. I know he is there for me ... 

So ... 
It's all about me ... 

I have to decide 
What to do sometimes ... 
And what to do rarely ...

The Clouds

The clouds .....

Till some months ago .... 
I was unable to love the clouds....
They hide the sun .... 
And they get the cold weather in our bones .... 
They are dark ....
And refuse to let the happiness in ..... 

I am starting to look at the clouds in another point of view ....

The clouds hide the sun .... 
But I know it's there ...
And I know it's coming back .... 
Even after a long period of time ....

They get the cold weather in our bones ...
But that makes me get what warms me ... and wear it .... 

They are dark .... 
Because they carry a lot of rains for us .....

They refuse to let the happiness in ... 
Because I only look at the empty side of the glass ...

The same as the problems that God keeps testing us with....

They may hide God from me ... 
But I know he is there
And he'll be back if I just ask him 

They make me feel lonely ...
But that make remember that I should call God ..
And I need him ,,

They are dark ... 
But when I pass them ... 
I get closed to Jesus ... 
Because I start to understand him more 

They refuse to let the happiness in,,,
Because I forget that when have a test ... 
God says " I remember you ....
And I want you to recognize me ....
And feel me with you" 

A new beginning

A new beginning ... 
What is that ....?? 
When is that ...??? 
Well ... 
Tell me what you think about when you hear this sentence .... 
A new start after failing to do something ..... 
Maybe ... 
Start a new thing afterfinishing another ... 
Perhaps .... 
What I am thinking about .... 
When shall we have a new beginning with Jesus .... 
We made hundreds oif new beginnings with him ... 
But we always fall ..... 
Be honest with yourself .... 
WE ALWAYS FALL... 
But you know what .... 
Jesus knows that you always fall 
Jesus expects that you will always fall.... 
But what really gives me hope .... 
That he really waits for your new beginning everyday 
EVERYDAY ... 
It is not just a new beginning ... 
But it's a life of new beginnings ... 
So never ever ask yourself whay did I fall... 
But ask yourself why didn't I have a new beginning with Jesus .. 
Stand up now ... 
He is waiting for your new beginning with him..... 
And his new beginning with YOU... 

I do .. but I refuse

I do ... but ... I refuse ...

I do feel so sad when I think of the pains of Jesus on the cross....
But ...
I refuse NOT to think joyfully of his salvation , his love , his kindness....

I do feel that my sins led Jesus to crucification that it tares my heart apart ...
But ..
I refuse to let that make me lose my hope in his mercy .... 

I do reject, forget and maybe despise Jesus with my sins ....
But ...
I refuse to stay away from him ...

I do sometimes remember the sins that I made .....
But ..
I refuse to let my sins take me to the deep bottom of nowhere .....

I do face many problems in my life ...
But
I refuse to let the problems remove my trust and happiness in The Christ ...

Do you ?? and do you refuse ????

What shall I say ?

What shall I say ...

I mean when I see Jesus on his birth ....

mmm let me try to phrase it ...

" I have been waiting for you " ... no not working ...

Shall I lie to myself ...

Have I been waiting for Jesus ...???

No .. actually .. I wasn't .....

I need him .. yes ..

But did I want him ... No ...

I know I need him ...

And I know he wants me .....

But still .. I don't want him ...

For now at least ..

Maybe later ...

But he is coming ..

Coming for me ....

I think I should try another sentence ..

" Do I deserve that you come for me ? "

I know I don't .. I don't lie this time..

But he came for me ..

He wants my salvation ...

I think that to be honest I should say ....

" Thank You"

" You have done a lot to me .. and I didn't deserve"

" You still want me "

" Teach me to not forget your sacrifice for me "

A star is born

A star is born ..... 
The world is waiting for this moment ... 
Waiting for Jesus to save the earth from the eternal death ... 
But that's not what I want to think about ,.... 
I am thinking about his birth inside me .....?? 
Was he born inside me .... 
mmmmm .... I ... I don't know the answer ... 
I mean .. I know he is inside me since the second birth .. the baptism ... 
But .. the real truth is .. is HE inside ME ... 
in other words ... do I show him ????? 
Show that he is in me .. and I am his ???? 
No .... certainly not .... 
He is born inside me .. but I have hidden his birth .... 
It's ME ......or HIM ... 
And I have chosen ME .. ME .. ME ... 
So , on the way to Bet-lehem what do I want ... 
To see him and celebrate the glory of that day ... 
Or to show HIM to the world through ME ..... I mean me 
Hard isn't it ..... who should appear ??? 
I still make this mistake .... 
Then what ?? ... nothing ... 
I am nothing without HIM... 
I ll get back to him anyway ... 
I am nothing without him .... 
We are not of this world ... 
Because we are HIS .... 
it's HIM who should appear ... 
And ME who should disappear .... 
Let's think of this day ... 
Not only as the day of his birth ... 
But also as the day to start showing HIM and hiding ME.... 

Why am I alive ?

Sometimes I ask myself this question ... 
Why am I alive ??? 
It is not easy to answer this ... 
Actually I can't be 100% sure if I know the answer .. 
But I thought I should take this chance to take a while alone .. 
And think of an answer .. 
Why I am alive .... 
Am I good ... ??? 
nooooooooo ....
I do a lot of bad things ...
Each time I go for confession ... 
I find a lot and a lot of things to say ... 
Not mentioning that I know a lot of people who don't really like me .. 
I know also a lot of people who think I am one of the bad guys...
Funny .. isn't it ? 
Am I that bad .... ??? 
I don't think so either ... 
I know I make mistakes .... 
But I also know I still have the chance everyday to do something ..
Something about my mistakes ... 
Did I do what I was born for ...??
I mean did I do what I was created for ??? 
I don't think so ... 
I know I should be better ...
I know there is a lot of good things I should have done ..
But didn't do ... 
Maybe that's why I am still alive .... 
I should think how I should be better ... 
And do what I think I was created for ... 
To do something better ... 
For the people around ... 
And first for myself ...
Anyway I am glad I took this chance to think of this question ...

The book of my life

I heard someday a preacher in church... 
Actually it was a funeral .....
Mentioning the words " The book of my life " ...
It's the first time I think of such word ....
Book of my life ?? 
What would it be ..... 
Is it the book I write about what happened in my life???
Well, I thought many times of that ...
But I thought I should do more important things first ...
But, that's not what the preacher meant .... 
He asked .. if God wanted to write the book of my life
What would he write ?????
Oh ... that's something else .... 
Truely speaking .. 
I think that's the only thing that can be called " The book of my life "
Then I started to think ....
What would he write ..... 
My sins ??? .. I think one book won't be enough ...
That's not what God wants to write ....
God wants to write a book of my life ...
My life that he knows ...
Between Me and HIM .......
When I heard this word .....
My mind stopped listening to the preacher's words ...
And started thinking .... 
What would God write .... ????
My sins will be swept away and whitened when I confess them ..
But what is my LIFE with JESUS.....??? 
I now know that this is the real book of my life ...
My life with JESUS