On my way to the cross

It may seem easy..... 
But it took me some while to decide....
I thought some day that I want to stand before the cross....
But it also made me so hesitating ....
Why should I do that ....
I know myself .....
I don't want to just stand as I did before ...
I have to be honest... 
But I have to be strong to do it ....
I know a lot of us stand infront The Cross...
But it is so different with me......
I fear it ...
But I need it .....
I made up my mind today ...
And said I'll do it ...
I will go to The Cross and pray ....

Now is the time.... 
I am going to The Cross ....
Suddenly I found my steps get slower ....
My heart beat sound gets higher and faster ... 
My eyes are frozen looking at the cross ......
I started to forget my power ......
my beauty ......
and my richness...
How can I remember such thing when I look at it 
And still I haven't arrived infront of the cross yet ....
At last .... I stood infront of The Cross....
It's just two pieces of wood .. 
But it has it all ......
All the power....
All the beauty .....
All the richness .... 

I am standing now infront of The Cross ...
I looked at The Cross ....
And just kept looking ....
And then silence .... 
I just felt I need to just keep looking ...
I don't need to see anyone else now ...
Hear anyone else ....
I forgot who I am ..
What I am ... 
Where I am ...
Why should I think of me....
When I am infront of Him ...???

Infront of The Cross ...
I remembered the birth of Jesus ....
He accepted to be born from a very poor family ....
Putting The Cross as his target ....
He wanted to be hidden from the devil ....
So he knew the devil won't understand ...
How can God be born from a family like this ...
Jesus knew he wanted to save us ...
And this was the only way ...
The Cross is the target to all the life of Jesus on earth ....
He planned it from the beginning .... 
He wanted us .... 
And still do ...

"He is despised and rejected of men; 
a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: 
and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, 
and we esteemed him not "( Isaiah 53 : 3 )
These words from Isaiah ( Ash3ya2) show how did Jesus look on the cross
Actually this is still for me how Jesus looks sometimes ..
I reject him sometimes with my sins ...
I escape the sorrows with him ... and hurry for the false happiness of the world...
I hide my face from him ... to do the sins I love .. 
But his face is always looking at me ... 
watching me ... 
wanting me .... 
Sometimes I hope I was away from him ... 
to be in the sins 
But sometimes I feel I need him so much .. 
that I can do anything to find him ...
How strange my feelings are ...
The Cross is always here ... showing how keen Jesus wants me .. 
But the black side of me is trying to take me away ...
Now is the time ... 
To decide to hold The Cross in my heart ....
To thank Jesus for his pains .... 
For his Cross ... 
For his salvation